Release
by cdrsheppard
Summary: Follow up Fic to 'Redemption', end tag to 'Ghost in the Machine'. After John finally confronts his feelings for Elizabeth in 'Redemption", It is now her turn. Elizabeth's POV. Existential character journey. Descriptive. Character death implied. sparky.


Release:

Slivers of light, cool and argent, shimmered and flickered like a talcum flame... licking at the pale edges of her consciousness. With each ambient tongue reaching out and provoking this soul into hope, another worked to plead it into being.

An ocean of silken nothingness receded slowly with each breath, revealing the sands of a life once lived. A life still present. This life, pure in its element, began again, determined to win out under the weight of this unknown reality. A distant sense of self was reforming, crystallizing from the blueprint of matter and mineral. Gravity stretched its self out below, calling to earth her fragile form, finalizing her presence. Static and low, the hum of her body, now true in her knowing, woke her to the moment.

She opened her eyes to the opalescent light, still bathing the scope of the world and everything beyond. Her heartbeat quietly persisted, moving her body with a gentle rhythm. The first breath of awareness flooded her with warmth and love. The second with strength. Feeling the frame within her, she pulled upwards in a fluid motion and found her feet. Solid beneath her, Elizabeth remembered. She was _Elizabeth_.

_Where was this place?_ Her eyes fought to find the evidence but could not focus on a reference point. She traced her face with uncertain hands for confirmation. _Was she here? Was it a dream? _The calm within her expanded beyond her body as if to reassure her. _It was alright_, she remembered. With that thought, she felt an overwhelming feeling of love surround her. _She was home_. She had made it _home…had she ascended?_

Her center filled with a rush of joy as she smiled and within that smile there was a memory of what was to come.

There was no fear now. No resistance. Shadows of what had been, flashed in her mind, almost out of reach in the distance. Willing herself access, the images shuttered into sight. Remnants of atoms, slivers of heavy elements shifting around her, becoming her… coalescing into metallic vessels…pallid and stark without a true compass...she searched for the word…_replicators._ The last physical manifestation she had occupied. How wrong it seemed, to have been held there without the frail yet divine sensual expression that was the human body. Her body. How beautiful in form and intention it had been…

But there was something else….something wet with the dark….

She could feel it before she could see it…yet watched without reaction, the images describing the beginning of the end. It was time to remember it all…

She made her stand, between hope and fear, saying goodbye with her eyes to a love that had gilded the seams of her soul. No time to reach out… no time to run. It was slow at first, the violation that corrupted her true nature. No amount of screaming could have stopped it. It consumed her light, suffocating her. Escape was now compressed into a shadowed corner within. Life's blood soon followed, leaving in a hushed resignation. Death held out its hand in compassion. She took it for all its mercy and redemption. Slipping away was easy as there was a strange contentment that spoke to her. Soothing her. She was going to go home…_it was ok_. _Reaching out to the warmth at last_, _eternity welcoming her…but something was in her way_… she was _trapped_…pulling her away into a sterile and dark containment that terrified her. _NO! Please, not now! Please let me go! Help me! …Help me J--. The sound of her soul crying out faded one last time, but not before it would be felt light years away in the haunted heart of a broken man._

_He_was coming closer to her in this moment…she was remembering…more memories pouring forth... _She was fighting her way out, away from them. Some followed her… There was one last chance..._

Frigid tones of static discharge and splintered sound had caged her essence of consciousness between the weave of space and time. Cold and unforgiving, the plane of the great expanse had allowed her narrow passage but at great suffering to her soul. This place of escape had been the last leap of faith to finish what she had started, to complete her contract.

She was searching for safe harbor, seeking a moment of peace; perhaps she could find her way back. _But where?_ Surely, this was not where she was meant to be. She had known other souls, other connections once. _She had to find them…_Elizabeth realized the clue before her_….in the great city…_

Without her whole self, she was blind to this strange world. The lust for mortality had obscured her true intention and she faltered. She had longed for her body of flesh, if only to find refuge again. She had become lost to her true purpose. She could only see herself distilled down to a single plea for help, and _they answered_. _He was there_, fleshed out on the other side. His voice meant something beyond the logic that was holding her together. Its cadence soothed her, almost like death had, but with more promise. The desire to rejoin their world became the command sent through their machines, casting her back into that dark vessel.

As if looking through a key hole, she saw more than one chance of redemption lost to time. Fighting the red shift of her awareness, she reached back again… She felt the fear consuming her. She fought to hold on_; fight for survival. A fight for life. Her life. Atlantis…spires of hope…friends … her destiny. …_It wasn't until she saw _him_ in her limited mechanical form, standing shaken and foreign before her that she realized the mistake she had made. There was only one way out. Only one path. _… The sacrifice… made one last time…_

_One last look…she had to…She let go to save them all. It had worked._

Elizabeth closed her eyes and let the new milky light dapple over her in contemplative silence. It was not easy to remember, but it was done. Beyond the veil of these memories however, there remained a more important beacon. The last detail unfinished. She could feel the overwhelming richness of the thought steal her breath. Elizabeth reached out to it…this time she could without fear...she saw two souls. _Their souls_.

The white fell away into blues as she remembered the sea. _Lantia._ Looking out and across and endless horizon of a gentle azure bliss, she could see him smiling, holding the space open for her. He was the heaven to her sea, vaulting above her with an endless patience mirroring her just for the chance to share in her beauty. His life force held the ultraviolet curve of her world far into its zenith, then fell beyond the horizon of her sight, deep below the darkest water, silent and steady in his devotion. He was still there, breathing in his life. _She had let go… to save him._

_John. This was John._

The sound of his name echoed in her thoughts and brought her into his proximity. _New Lantia_. Time could not keep up with her relief in this moment. She could see him at last with her new eyes.

He stood before her, out in the evening air thick with the salt of a mortal life. The sky reflected his own soul, burning soft with a storm of stars unknown to him. He looked out to the edge of the night, open to the possibility of her. For the first time since she had awakened, she felt her purpose bloom wide, filling her heart.

He was everything she remembered, but so much clearer now. She loved so many things about him: his irreverently beautiful stature, his courage and passion, his sense of honor. His boyishness...his quiet kindness. His depth when it really mattered. His love. His most secret commodity silently bestowed upon her when he thought she didn't notice. It was so wonderful to see him again. How she wished she could have told him…How she ached to tell him now._ He could not know she was there, not yet. She needed him open._

He stood firm against the balcony with a disheveled but dedicated stance, still bound by his duty and his uniform. A lone sentinel in service to the last trace of her; Atlantis.

She noticed an unfamiliar seriousness shading his face. He seemed to be offering himself up to the wind, allowing its bite to hone him a bit sharper. He was alone but wishing otherwise. His hands held fast to the rail, as if he could fall at any moment into the void below.

There was a lithe beauty to his powerful form that drew her close to him. She knew that she could never escape the pull of his being. He was a being sculpted for her, carved out of a fierce, solitary spirit that hid a _dark red sun_ within. The only way to know his heart was to look into the forbidden depths of his eyes. Eyes that could melt the very metal that colored them. And her…His light had always burned stronger for her, capturing her, sustaining her in life. This, she remembered…

If she could express regret, it would be that they came so close to revealing themselves… to each other, but time ran out. Or did they not allow it? _Why?_ She could not recall. All the bindings of human fear and frailty could delay even the purest bond from finding its fruition.

She reached out her hand, quietly touching his face. So much sadness, hidden so well, but not from her. Her fingers memorized him from the crest of his temple, framed with jet colored pinions, feathering to an edge of grey alongside his cheek. His face was warm, despite the wind. It was rough and heated with his thoughts. Electric and deliberate her fingers came to rest upon his lips, wrought with regret and blushed with her image. He was thinking of her, aching in the effort to connect. The weight of his life without her was almost visible, threatening to crush his resolve. As she felt his life, his face, under her hand, he bowed his head, as if he felt her touch. She could feel his soul begging to submit.

She was there with him as much as her existence would permit, but perhaps it was enough. She came to him not only to witness him one last time, but to release him. This last detail of their contract together, was essential to both their journeys and this time, hard won. Forever entwined, their souls would work the universal equation of love and loss until they succeeded in teaching each other all there was to know. This was just one of many lifetimes they would share. This moment was about freedom…

As Elizabeth moved into him softly, she rested herself against his chest. She could feel that dark red sun radiating within him, returning the comfort and desire of her memory. The scent of salt and sandalwood on his skin made her smile. _To live another life would be worth this…_she thought as her senses attempted to stray… but there was still more to do. Without effort and easing his, she held his body up against the night. His head came lower as he let himself drift slightly away from his reality, leaning against a pillar of the blackened balcony. He felt uncertain but relieved as he felt his tall body relax. The air seemed to lose its chill.

Eyes closed, she focused on his heartbeat. It was strong against her, insistent for her to return to his realm. His feelings became clear to her, like jagged stones in a snowmelt stream. Their broken edges resisting the flow of the inevitable. Pain, grief, and anger that bruised into hurt caught at his soul. So much anger at the unknown and himself silently choked his light. Of all the losses he could not prevent and there were so many, _she _was the one that made all the difference. He had vowed to himself that _she would be the one_ who he would not fail. Elizabeth remembered the truth of this in his eyes, time after time in Atlantis. She had been his guide and he had been her shield.

He had allowed himself to acknowledge her loss and grieve privately. He had allowed himself to admit the depth of his love for her although only to his own spirit. He had even attempted to forgive the fact that he had failed to save her and fought with this every new day…but there was one more hurt. Searching him slowly, Elizabeth found what she was seeking. Her regret was his as well. Affirming her direction she set her intention free, merging them briefly into one, and then stepped back.

John felt it spreading through him, smooth and warm, like a long sweet, hungry kiss, waking him from his troubled dream. His body shivered quietly as he opened his eyes. A wry smile of wellbeing dared to find its way across his lips. Fearing to rationalize what had just happened; he ran his shaky hands through his hair and held his head still for a moment. He felt as if he had just fallen to earth but felt no pain. He closed his eyes once again, connecting to the intense gratitude welling its way up. John Sheppard brought himself back and turned toward the horizon. The rims of two aquamarine moons began to silently slip up and out of the inky water, seemingly careful not to interrupt the moment.

John studied the painted scene before him, feeling more present than he could ever recall. The night was so much more beautiful now. He wanted to laugh, but he didn't know why.  
Before his usual restraint and denial could overtake him, he found himself risking a most important question…just above a whisper so the wind could hear…, "If …that was you,… Elizabeth,… thank you." The soft words drifted away from his smile, into the star field above.

She watched him like the morning light breaking across the sea. An infinite universe of glistening ripples reflecting the hope and possibility of their future, stretching to the end of the world. She would find and love that soul again. Full from him and the power of the moment, Elizabeth conceded that it was at last time. One last look over her shoulder caught him silhouetted in moonlight. She had everything she needed now. She knew she too, had been released.

Fini


End file.
